This two days, my mood turned up and down.

I doesnt dare to bother anyone, everyone have their own problem. As for me, i still can handle mine some how.

After such a long time, i tried to put up such a crazy and cheerful side of me to in front. But just this few days, it crumpled. I'm back to the lonely and one person world. Too many things on my mind to say it out all. I have some very good friends i admit, but none has been so close to me that know me inside out. Even more i doesnt even know myself inside out, what's about others right?

Honestly, the thoughts of suicide and running away from home coming back to me. If those who know me somehow, would know how harsh is my family. I feel like crying everything out loud for real but i cant. cause i know, if i do, they will laugh at me real hard, my own family laughing at me being stupid for crying.

Somethings that hit me hard sometimes, are they really concerning me or they treat me as a trash. If they really concern, why would they need to laugh and keep on saying about me whenever they could. I tried my best already, really...

That's why i try not to approach anyone for help. No matter how much i said i hate them, but i still cares, cause they are my family.

Another side, today i text him, as expected. all the replies are what i expected. Maybe i relying on him too much for the matter of fact, even if i have lost contact with him for months, i still cant stop the feelings.

In his world, even if i'm gone, he can be so well doing and getting to know more girls and friends. why do i stop somehow, my memories keep on playing those days that i'm so protected by him. I wish i have a way out, but it seems to be a bottomless pi. The more i struggle, the more i drop in.

I want to be alone so no one affect me and i wont affect people. But i crave for ppl's attention, i want people to notice me. I doesnt want to walk out of my comfort zone. I want someone to stay the attention only on me. It wont happen... it wont. anymore.

I just want to disappear... who will find me and care?

Yesterday i did so many stupid things. Firstly, when i goes to work, i walked to the wrong platform XB how nice! I went to the another side instead of the one that i always aboard. *slap forehead* and i got so embarrassed that i quickly went back to another platform.

secondly was when i'm going home. I decided to knock off 10mins early and who knew! MY BOSS WAS IN HIS CAR. BOOOOO!! got caught XB and i quickly run back to office Hehehe...
Ah~ Why do i did so many stupid things XB in a DAY!!! *SCREAM* XB You guys ARENT suppose to laugh!!! T^T

Today(or rather yesterday), i think i really did something stupid..

I took the wrong bus... and it lead me to Toa Payoh.

When i realize it, i panicked. Suddenly, i miss that someone. Cause me and him usually get missing :P . OK FINE! we are road idiots! But he will also be there giving me secure feelings. OH WELL! it's the past... But i was so scare till i almost cried. Maybe... I relied on him too much.. But it has been months that i contacted him face to face. I wish i can stop thinking about him or at least now.

Sometimes, i still crave for relationship. After i think carefully, i doesnt want to commit now. I love my freedom, but bored of my routine life. I throw all my energy into Idols, being more obsess with them. But would anyone truly understand what i feeling? Cause, i doesnt even know it myself... I'm lost.

I admit, i have too many personality until i cant figure out which is the real me. He is always my pillar, suddenly i took away the pillar. Now i feeling trembling, i'm gonna fall apart soon but i doesnt want to find him back, i doesnt want to cling on to him.

There's a few time, when i reaching home, walking pass the play ground at night. I would smile to myself cause i remember how we use to be. Sometimes he would hold me preventing me from falling so i can lift my head and watch all those stars as well as counting. I know he doesnt treat me the way i wish he did, he just gave me extra care cause he knew how i was in my family, he knew all he did was just brotherly love. But he never know, whatever he did... It just digging deeper into my memories and heart.

I miss him, and those times but... things wont be the same again.

Changed the blog song~ WEEEEHEHEHEHE~~

Ok i got overly bored and rotting at home until crazy @.@~

I has been staying home for two days!!! T^T Yes.. my weekend i stay home XB~

But oh well, at least i got my butt and brain to move and write my fanfiction somehow! Still consider as something is done, but i almost forgotten to spend time to watch those videos! I'm so addicted to 2NE1, and G-Dragon..'s DOGGGIE!! =.= kekeke~

So this time round i changed the song list into three parts, 2NE1's Stay together, GD's Heartbreaker and Jung Min's Na PPun ni ka yo~ All is recently addicted with ^^~

Trying to learn my korean soon T^T It's gonna rusty :P~ Ok, i should pack my bag and sleep early tonight~ Tml i have to work T^T!!! Tuesday going for dental appointment again *horror* i'm so BROKED! hopefully next pay i can save a few bucks! or not sure die liao~~~

Night night! *ps: I love my hubby alot :P *point to Park Jung Min* So let me share a cute photo of his~ :P

Today has so many fun with Jasmine and Jinli, when i wanna update here, i realize something.
WE HAVENT TAKE PHOTO FOR TODAY!! *angry* aiiish~~ We havent been taking photo for agessssssss!!!!! How forgetful have we been! Next time ok Sisters? *ggrins*

Guess what ppl! i'm SUPER HAPPY~ and jumpy of cause~ As you guys saw on my FB~

PARK JUNG MIN GOT MY SCARF~~~ *grins*

and even more he was happy/surprise about the scarf cause it's uh big?
Oh well, love him more and more ^^~ Saranghaeyo Min oppa~ LOL~



SAW it? ahahah~

I cant wait for Sunday, cause it's our SISTER GATHERING! it has been months that we have been together *nods nods* Tml i gonna make Kimchi Jun~ CHEER~~ And going to find Aaron~ HE DAM CUTE LAH! he said what =.= wanna be my stylist for the day LOL! ask me wear nicer =.= and when i asked him if he could be trusted. He said what, he always make me more pretty =.= AIISH~ cant stop laughing at it anyway~ But THANKS AARON ^^!


Work work work, quite stressed quite tired. I wish i could have a holiday OUT OF SINGAPORE!

Oh oh oh oh oh~ time to write my fanfic~ will update soon ^^ SEE YA!

Ah~ So long never update le =.= recently still busying with knitting, learning Korean and folding Paper crane =.= have some projects stuffs on hand =.= Oh well! It's busy busy busy busy busy~ Oh YES! my pay come like never come =.= cause very fast use up =.= LOL~ too many things to buy and pay le =X